When I was young I used to have a recurring dream.
It was very scary and felt very real.
We used to live in a house that was at the entrance of our neighborhood. The side of the house faced it, actually. I took piano lessons around the block, so every week I would walk to my piano teacher's house for my lesson.
I had this dream that when I was walking to piano, and I was in front of the entrance to the neighborhood an old beat up car would drive in. When the person driving saw me the car would slow down and ride up right next to the sidewalk. I would get this terrified feeling inside. Then the passenger (who, of course was a scary-looking older man) would get out and walk toward me. I would start running, but he would catch up. I would turn around and run the other direction, but he would catch up to me and grab me by the arm. Then, at the climax of the dream, I would attempt to scream. I could feel the fear building inside of me. I needed to call for help, but I was so completely terrified that nothing would come out. Not a sound.
At that moment I would wake up.
I remember feeling so afraid because I couldn't scream. No one could hear me, or see me in danger.
I've thought about this dream many times in my adult life. Why did I have it? I'm sure it was just anxiety.
I've also thought about its significance. Fear paralyzes us. It keeps me from DOING something, or SAYING something.
Fear is a powerful emotion. Especially if we let it take over.
I guess this is a poignant idea for me right now, because I am beginning this new career. I feel very overwhelmed and intimidated by all of it. I have no experience, and I'm around all of these seasoned nurses who make it look so easy. I have been letting fear run my thoughts lately. But I've decided that I need a new attitude. I am determined to have faith, believe in myself and work hard.
That way,
if I need to scream,
I can.
5 comments:
Your inexperience will be short lived, but while you are lacking in experience, I wouldn't stress, because you have a personality that would help someone feel well cared for. I would love to have a nice nurse like you....experience or not.
You are going to be such a great, compassionate nurse! I remember those feelings as a new nurse. I felt like I had learned NOTHING when i was thrown out into the nursing field. All I wanted was to be a good nurse (educated & compassionate) while being able to be calm and collected even during stressful times. I can tell you that it gets easier with time. There is sooo much info thrown at you all at once. It is very overwhelming. But you'll soon realize that there is a lot of repetition and routine. The other situations you face...you'll learn how to use your nursing judgment. Congratulations!!! What an incredible accomplishment to go through the stress of nursing school while taking care o fyour family. I don't think I could have done that!
Love it Girlfriend! You get out there with confidence! You'll be Terrific--the patients and nurses will love you. Before you know it you'll know your way around!!
You have always done great at everything you've done. Nursing won't be any different. You will be GREAT!
I really loved this post, Annie. Truer words have never been spoken...fear keeps us from doing what we should. And I know I don't know you, but you're going to be a great nurse! :) Just know that everyone else you work with has had a beginning too. They've all been there. OR, you can picture them all in their underwear. That might help too. Or at least make your days more entertaining. :)
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