Inside Out Friends

Yesterday I yelled.

I don't know what came over me. We were in the car going to gymnastics, the girls were at each other's throats (fun stuff!), and I turned around and yelled (really loudly) at them.
"BE QUIET! STOP FIGHTING! I'M SICK OF THIS!"

I immediately turned around knowing the mistake that I had made. In their short little lifetimes I have made this mistake a few times before. Every single time I have felt shame and guilt for not controlling my temper. Don't misunderstand. I raise my voice quite often to get their attention and convey that, "What I'm saying now I really mean. It's really important that you listen to these words." But this yelling is different. This is the ugly, mean version of me taking over the sweet, sensible, understanding me. I know that yelling like this just makes my children feel bad about who they are. It just teaches them a poor way to communicate during conflict. So,

I immediately turned around and said, "Girls, I'm so sorry. Mommy should never yell at you. It's not your fault that I acted that way. I feel terrible. You don't deserve to be yelled at that way. Will you please forgive me?"
At this moment I learned something powerful from my children. With tears streaming down their cheeks they both resoundingly said, "Yes."

The rest of the car ride was silent (except for Baby Beluga playing softly in the background). I just drove and felt the humility wash over me. When we arrived at our destination (the gym) the girls got out of their car seats, and I hugged them both tightly. "Thank you for forgiving me, " I said. "I love you." With smiles on their faces they both said,
"I love you too, Mom."

Then they were off for some tumbling fun.

I'm determined to never act this way again.